One Poem by courtney marie

death of the party

i ghost on every party before i get there
a bundle of frayed nerves beneath my skin
i’ve picked up worrying
i worry all the time
broken thoughts on a loop

                  i stay busy so my mind doesn’t have time to kill me

these days i identify as something in-between
i identify as anxiety attack
a high-functioning breakdown
a cat on its last life
something i can’t yet articulate
but my chest is full of doom

the death of the party
can barely leave the house
can barely watch the news

i am sick like the world is sick
i miss people who have forgotten me
                  myself most of all

sometimes i’m afraid maybe i’m the ghost
& everybody 
                  [knows /
                  is afraid to tell me]


courtney marie is a writer & artist based in denton, texas. they are the author of don’t get your hopes up (2018, Thoughtcrime Press) and have a forthcoming full-length poetry collection to-be-released in 2021 with Goliad Media. cm enjoys making weird & sentimental art with/for their community, exploring the world, and playing pinball. they live with two three cats, cry all the time, and are forever writing letters & sending snail mail in a desperate attempt to connect with the outside world. cm is the co-founder & director of the artist collective spiderweb salon.